a long time ago, in a grocery store far, far away...
a recovering fat kid strolls by the bakery and discovers cookies.
big, fat sugar cookies slathered with a thick layer of creamy frosting and topped off with festive multicolored sprinkles.
they are:
succulent.
rubenesque.
teat-like.
and thus begins an on again off again affair with the most partially hydrogenated processed fat laden wonderfully synthetic creation that humankind has ever produced.
in short, these cookies are f@#ing amazing.
and while i don't generally retreat to such sophomoric language, no other word perfectly captures the reckless combination of goodness and badness deeply ingrained in these calorie bombs.
it's as if the very word was created specifically to describe them.
and coming from a fat kid, that means a lot, since we're basically the sommeliers of the junk food world.
they are:
go home and close the blinds and lock the door good.
call in sick to work good.
take off all your clothes and slather them on your naked body good.
and that means that they are very, very bad.
so consider this your fair warning.
if you see them in your local bakery, do not make direct eye contact. do not fall prey to their siren song. do not burrow into their soft sugary goodness.
instead, go quietly into the nite. or at least go quietly towards the produce section. or head for the canned goods and pick up some non-threatening broth.
because these things are evil. pure evil.
