friday
in my simple backpack, i have been carrying around an uncomfortably large amount of cash. it may not be much, but it is everything that i have, so i keep it close, not knowing when i'll find the right circumstance to let it go. for the last two weeks, i've been on a futile quest to find a fair deal on an unencumbered vehicle. another weekend is approaching, and i am anxious to have some mobility. it's late in the evening when i finally strike a deal with a family man and mechanic who offers up a car that's superficially flawless. the paperwork is signed, he hands over the extra key. and as we part ways, i notice the driver side door lock is damaged and inoperable. oh yeah he says, just open it from the passenger side. i begin to get that sinking feeling as he pulls away.
saturday
i'm anxious to explore and experience the world again and begin to run errands around town in my new wheels. along the way, i stop by the grand opening of the new mac store. the lines are full of overweight middle-aged dorks. and a few unfortunate girl friends. not girlfriends. girl. friends. demographically, it's what you may expect from a star trek convention or a dungeons and dragons gathering. pale, pastey, eczema-prone losers all standing in line early on a saturday morning for a free t-shirt. sadly, i am one of those losers. even more sad, the free t-shirts are stagnant and cheap, and look like poor knockoffs produced by unseasoned sweatshop workers. by far the worst thing ever produced with a genuine apple logo. they are embarrassingly bad. i give mine away.
sunday
read paper. do laundry. revel in sloth, gluttony, and reality tv.
monday
for the first time in months, i actually drive (as opposed to ride or walk) to work. but i already know this is not the car for me. there is no bond. no connection. i begin to like it less and less with each passing moment. knowing it's in such good shape cosmetically, my mind begins to run with how quickly i may be able sell it or trade it in for something a little less generic, and a little more me. i spend half the day online scouring for my next fix, and the other half tempering my boss's bipolar outbursts at the new company computer. that evening, i help out with a video project and am up much too late, my head spinning with possibilities.
tuesday
i return from an early morning outing with a client to find my four day old car has just been sideswiped by a delivery truck. property managers and police are on the scene. phones are buzzing and held to ear. everyone is talking to someone else. then my phone begins to tremble - a close friend's brother is fading away after a long bout with cancer. they need someone to watch the house while they catch the next plane. the police want to know if i'm ready to file an official report, until i decide, i can't move my car. the truck driver and the trucking company deny anything happened and reiterate that there are no physical witnesses, just physical evidence. my boss's car happens to be in the shop this morning and he's frantic to borrow mine to go to an important meeting. everyone is waiting on me for a decision all at the same time.
wednesday
i leave work a bit early to make the drive across the city and toward the small town where my friend resides. the traffic is notoriously bad heading north, and the approaching holiday weekend has made it no better. a steady stream of overloaded vehicles pull boats and jet skis toward the lakes and waterside resorts. during my drive, i swear i can feel the transmission begin to slip, and for the first time notice a few small cracks on the windshield. the only supermarket in the area is an extra fifteen minutes away, so i drive past my destination and to the oversaturated store. by the time i make it to the house, the dogs are clumsy with excitement. their energy temporarily blunts my mood and my ongoing dilemma. i find ice cream in the freezer and eat the whole box despite the late hour. i set my alarm to account for the extended commute, but barely sleep in my new surroundings; a head full of sour, a belly full of sweets.
thursday
we have an audit due, and our offsite bookkeeper has been trying to make sense of the random scraps of paper we've collected over the last year. we've been on the phone regularly, and every question begets another complicated inquiry. the reports she emails make no sense. much as i want to build my business knowledge, in this instance, my skills and experience are revealed as infantile. the boss is livid and visibly stressed. he has plans to leave in the morning for a trip with the wife. his car is still at the dealership. a coworker and i take his vehicle to another shop. while there, i get an estimate on the damage to my own vehicle. eight hundred to a thousand dollars they say. but that's just an estimate. on the drive back to work, the stickshift cover breaks off. the audit is due. checks need to be made out for employees. i need to get across the city to take care of the animals. my phone vibrates nonstop.
friday
after another restless nite, i decide to quit fighting it and get up at three thirty. i feed the dogs, take them for a short walk, drive across town, and along the way run as many errands as possible, utilizing 24 hour superstores and automated terminals. i get to work before six. the place is empty the first few hours and i use the time to catch a few breaths and reflect on the week. it's been rich with hostility and stress, financial loss and tedium. somewhere in there is more than i understand. tonite, while the nation celebrates its independence with loud explosions and fireworks, i will make the long drive home, open the door to a small piece of tranquility, and lay awake in a soft bed, while two large dogs slumber nearby.
