if there's one thing i know well, it's how to make mistakes. really dumb, foolish, sometimes life altering mistakes.
example?
when i was a kid, i tried to jar a treasured football free from some powerlines.
using a long aluminum pole.
really.
and while i never did that again, sometimes my transgressions are no less shocking. this last year has been no exception, as i've managed to plant, nourish and cultivate idiocy in a way that would make a seasoned iowa farmer proud. they would take off their john deere hats, slap them against their dusty overalls and perplexingly drawl: "son, if that ain't the greatest crop of horses@#t i ever did witness, well than, i just don't know my horses@#t."
and the thing is, every time i make a mistake - be it romantic, professional, or financial, i'm stunned. surprised. completely taken aback by my rationale, which at the time seemed completely logical. ironclad even.
in retrospect, though, those decisions seem completely dimwitted. completely transparent. just plain stupid. every. single. time.
i am chris farley clumsily falling on the table and smashing it to bits.
falling thru the window while adjusting his pants.
i am the fat guy in the little coat.
and everyone sees it coming with the exception of the actual guy wearing the tiny jacket. the stitching is stressed, but everything seems fine. then comes one seemingly innocuous move and... uh oh.
and the really bad news is that i'm not getting any younger. more handsome and more daring, yes, but not even i can stop the inevitable crawl of chronology. even on a good day.
so, i'm beginning to wonder when the string will end. or if it ever does. or whether i'm just a little too tuned into the fallout.
they say wisdom comes from experience, and that we learn more from failure than from success. if that's true, then i'm on the verge of being an absolute einstein. theory of relativity? please... come back when you can figure out a formula to determine my optimal career path.
but what really surprises me is this: people who wouldn't change a thing about their lives. and i know people who have gone thru some tough stuff: affairs, heart attacks, credit card chaos - all things that could have been avoided with some better decision making.
despite it all, they seem to be content. at peace with their plight. soaking in the greater knowledge of lessons learned.
not me.
there's enough out there you can't control, which is why making mistakes hits me so hard. i'd rather not go thru the additional self-imposed heartache.
i would hope i'd be smart enough to begin with, but i've proven that desire a little too lofty and out of reach at times. so if i had a chance, i'd change it all. every last bit.
until that happens, i have to keep reminding myself:
do not pick up the aluminum pole. do not put on the tiny jacket.
