i don't know how you do it. i don't know how anybody does it.
balance. moderation. keeping the world steadily afloat.
because right now, my life is in shambles. absolute and complete chaos. there are shimmers of brilliance peeking out from beneath the rubble, but, man, this place is a mess...
if there's one thing i know about myself, it's that i'm an extremist, which is as close as i'll ever get to admitting to be a full blown addict. good or bad, regardless of how trivial or significant, when i'm in, i'm in. and when i'm out, i'm out.
i am the simple light switch that flicks on or off, not the adjustable dimmer that can illuminate a fluid existence.
at the moment, parts of my world are rich and full. i finally finished that script, put together some great photos, have a minor league video project on tap, a new script to read, a graphics challenge on the horizon, a headfull of things to write, and even a little clarity as to what i want the future to hold.
i found a great place to live, got the motorcycle i wanted, a job that gives me enough money to cover the cost of insurance, and enough free time to play, or just play lazy.
and the dark side...
i have completely abandoned my physical self, contemporary decor, and routine haircuts. i am fat and weak, have upgraded from sleeping on the floor to sleeping on a bed on the floor, am surrounded by plastic furniture, bare walls, and a silly mop of hair that makes my fat boyish face seem even more immature.
in the last three months, i have spent more money on chocolate pudding, caramel macchiatos, and whip cream than i have on the new pants i've had to buy to slide my new fat ass into. i spend more time in the gym pushing paper than pushing weights. my sense of fashion and style evaporates everytime i open the hapless rubbermaid locker that stores my clothes.
i am neither here, nor there. i am in pieces, strewn about the sea, floating along while my deeper self sinks. i am hurridly driving down the x axis having forgotten about y. i am desperate for that intersection, the place where it all comes together.
